


Silent and Still

by redKardinal



Series: Overwatch oneshots and Gift fics [2]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Depression, Grief/Mourning, Retirement, Suicide, gdi i'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-08-16 08:55:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8095891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redKardinal/pseuds/redKardinal
Summary: With the life they had, it was to be expected. Expected, yet not expected so soon.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pig-demon; pigdemonart](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=pig-demon%3B+pigdemonart).



> Based off of pigdemonart's Retirement comics

It was to be expected. Expected, yet not expected so soon. Mako Rutledge was in their small kitchen when it happened. It was midday and it was his turn to make lunch. The teapot whistled, and he poured the hot water into mugs for Jamison and himself. He’d had a dull ache in his chest all morning, but he was used to that by now. He usually ignored the pain in his chest. It wasn’t anything he couldn’t just walk off. He realized he was wrong when he was making their sandwiches.

The dull pain was suddenly sharper than he had ever felt it before. It knocked his breath right out of him. His shoulders felt tight and his fingers started prickling. The whole room felt like it was spinning, and the pain felt like he’d been run through his chest with a spear. Mako gasped for breath and heavily dropped to his knees. _Get up_ he thought. _Get up, you can’t let Jamie see you like this._ He held himself up with one hand while the other clutched his chest. _Jamie…_ he thought. Realizing what was happening, he called out “Jamie!” before collapsing.

\---

Jamie thought he’d heard a crash in the kitchen. It set him on edge and was already on his feet heading towards the source of the noise. He broke into a run when Mako’s voice weakly called out his name. He found the man on the kitchen floor, face down. “Mako!” he cried and ran to his side. Jamie would never be able to explain how he managed to roll his bodyguard to his back. As soon as he did, Mako was gasping for air, still clutching his chest.

Panic ran through Jamie in an instant. He pushed Mako’s hand away and put his ear to Mako’s chest. His heart beat was weak. “Shit!” Jamie gasped and quickly got on his knees. He put his hands over Mako’s chest and pressed down several times in quick succession. “C’mon, Roadie. Stay with me!” he yelled in desperation, continuing the compressions. He kept staring down at Mako, trying to hold his attention. “Don’t look away from me! Don’t you leave me, Mako! Don’t you dare!” Jamie rasped. He didn’t notice the desperation in his own voice.

He pulled back and tilted Mako’s head back and pressed his mouth to his. He forced air into Mako’s lungs once. Twice. Then pulled back and began chest compressions again. “C’mon Mako! Breathe damn it!”

Jamie cycled through breathing and compressions until his hand went numb and sweat dripped off his face. He was shouting at Mako the whole time not to leave. “C’MON YOU BASTARD! BREATHE!” he finally screamed. Mako’s eyes had glazed over ten minutes ago, his gasping gone, his heart still. “DAMN IT! GET UP MAKO!” Hands curled into fists now, Jamie beat on Mako’s shoulders.

“YOU HAD BETTER GET OFF YOUR FAT ASS RIGHT NOW!” He grabbed Mako and shook him. “GET UP!” Mako lay unresponsive. Jamison’s words echoed through the kitchen. “ _PLEASE!_ ” he felt the hot tears trickle down his cheeks. “ _please…_ ”

Jamie hunched over his body and let out a scream that hurt everywhere in his body, from his throat, to his fingertips and down to his toes and left a tight tortured knot in his stomach. The room fell silent. Mako was gone.

\---

The sun was nearly set before Jamie moved again. He stayed on Mako’s chest for hours, hoping he’d wake up from this nightmare. He and Mako would sit on the porch again and observe the fields and watch as bounty hunters tried to close in on them only to be blown away by Jamie’s mines. Everything was fine. Everything was normal.

Everything was wrong. Mako lay cold under Jamie, his eyes blank, staring up at the ceiling. If Jamie were to sit up, those eyes might stare at him, but he didn’t want to look at Mako’s face. He kept his head down on his chest instead. The silence was haunting. Jamie could remember numerous times over the years when he’d been lulled to sleep by the sound of Mako’s pulse. There was nothing now. Just cold, hairy flesh under his head.

Finally Jamie sat up, wiping his eyes as he did. He was right in what would be Mako’s line of sight, and he felt his heart crack again. He shuffled around Mako so he could lay the dead man’s head on his lap. He brushed his real hand over Mako’s face and closed his eyes. He smiled just slightly, as his chest tightened more and his eyes watered again. Mako looked like he was just sleeping.

“I wasn’t supposed to win the bet, mate.” Jamie whispered. He ghosted his fingers over Mako’s cheek and hunched over his face, trembling. “I was supposed to go first. I was gonna do somethin’ stupid… lose a fight with the toaster or somethin’. You were gonna find me… right here… just like this.” His tears dripped on Mako’s face. “Damn it Hog!” he snapped. “Why’d you go and leave me you bastard!” His fingers dug into Mako’s cheeks as everything started to hurt all over again. He sobbed heavily, more tears and snot dripping onto Mako’s face.

“I tried, Mako! I tried to save you!” Jamie curled his body over Mako’s face. “I dunno what went wrong! I did it just like you showed me! Why couldn’t I keep you alive?” He sobbed. “You’d think with the new arm… I would’ve been able to.” He sat up suddenly and ripped the prosthetic off. “BUT THIS DAMN THING IS USELESS!” He chucked the arm harder than he thought he could and heard it crash somewhere in the room. He didn’t bother to see where it went.

Jamie heaved deep breaths. He had no idea what to do now. The only thing he could think to do was sit with Mako’s corpse until an idea came to him. He stared down at his friend again, sliding his hand down the side of his face. Mako looked so old. Older than he had that morning. His features were all gray, skin sagging, and covered in liver spots. Jamie smoothed his hand over the wrinkles.

“I should’ve seen this coming.” He whispered. “I’m sorry, Mako.” He sniffled, trying desperately to keep from crying again. He leaned down and pressed his forehead to Mako’s. “I don’t know what to do now. We’ve been together for so long. What am I supposed to do without you?” They’d talked about it before. But Jamie couldn’t remember what he was supposed to do now. He didn’t think Mako would ever die.

The man was an unstoppable force. A one-man apocalypse. There was nothing in the world that could stop Mako Rutledge!

Nothing except a heart attack.

Another sob escaped Junkrat’s throat. “Please come back, Roadie… Please… I’ll do anything. I’ll stop barging in when you’re bathing… I’ll let you nap as long as you like… I’ll… I’ll… please… just come back.” He curled his arm under Mako’s chin and held him.

\---

The sounds of night echoed from outside. Jamie was trying to figure out what to do with Mako’s body. He tried to drag Mako out of the kitchen, but wasn’t able to get far. His prosthetic arm might have made it easier for him to move the large body, but when he found his arm, it was broken and unusable. That had sent him into another fit, throwing the broken pieces of arm all over the place.

It used to be that Mako would come up behind him and hold him still until he calmed down. Not this time. This time ended with Jamison crumbling on the floor in tears.

Mako ended up half way between the kitchen and the living room by the time Jamie gave up. Everything was sore, and he was pretty sure he threw his back out while tugging on Mako’s form. “Ya had to die in the kitchen, didn’t ya hog? Couldn’t make a damn thing easy for me, could ya? Hard enough losing my best mate.” He sniffled, feeling another round of crying coming on. He grit his teeth and shouted “YA HAD TO MAKE IT AS HARD AS POSSIBLE DIDN’T YA, ROADHOG? HAD TO GO AND EXPIRE IN THE MOST DIFFICULT PLACE TO MOVE YA?” he slammed his fist against the wall. “Fuckin’ bastard.”

Jamie sat down against the wall next to Mako again, trying to catch his breath. He couldn’t look away from Mako. What was he supposed to do? He couldn’t just leave him there. But he sure as hell couldn’t move him out of the house in his one-armed condition. He let out a sigh, remembering all the times he’d cracked jokes about Mako dying. He _knew_ it would happen eventually, but he really didn’t want to face it. The jokes had been his way of coping with the inevitable future.

All he could think of then was the first time they’d brought up death. Jamie remembered how he’d said he would have to torch the place with Mako inside. He instinctively rubbed his jaw where Mako had punched him moments later. “Heh. Even in your old age, you still pack a mean punch, Hoggy.” He still held onto the idea of burning the house down. That _would_ take care of the body. But where would Jamie go? And would Mako really want their house to be burned down? “Well, yer dead. You don’t have a say in the matter.”

Jamie pushed himself off the floor and went to find his stash of explosives. After twenty years, he still had more bombs than anyone would know what to do with. Anyone besides him. He grabbed the biggest bag and lugged it out of the closet and got to work.

\---

After two hours of laying out every single explosive he’d saved over the years, Jamison once again stood, detonator in hand, over Mako’s body. How could he already look _this_ much worse in such a short time? Death made the wrecking ball of a man look… hollow. Jamie wiped his eyes for what had to be the millionth time and sighed shakily.

“Should I say something?” He asked. “Probably. This is basically your funeral.” His own laugh sounded empty. “Heh, I remember all those stories you used to tell me. Y’know, the ones with the Viking blokes. You’ll be goin’ out just like ‘em.” Jamie’s voice shook. “This house’ll be yer damn death boat. The hell was that thing called? I should know this… It was my favorite part. Because… Who _doesn’t_ wanna go out in a huge burst of firey glory?”

Jamie dropped to his knees, dropping the detonator to stroke Mako’s cheek one more time. “I guess you didn’t. You wanted to go out quietly. Instead what did you get…? A useless piece of trash screaming at you to stay alive.” Jamie hunched over him again. “I’m sorry that was the last thing you heard. I should’ve said somethin’ different. Some kind of goodbye. Some words of comfort. I dunno. Just not… just not what I said. I’m sorry, Mako.”

He lay on the ground between Mako’s side and his arm. It almost felt like it did most nights when they slept. Almost. Mako had never been this cold. “Y’know. You shoudn’t have to die alone.” Jamie sighed. “It’s not fair. We did everythin’ together. We should’ve gone out together too. One last heist. Goin’ after a bigger score than either of us had ever seen. Maybe stealin’ the moon or something. That would’ve really thrown everyone for a loop. We could’ve done it though. You ‘n’ me, mate. In our cottage on the moon. The only way they could stop us then was to blow the damn rock up. And that’s how we should’ve gone. You. Me. Together. On the moon.”

Mako would have told him he was rambling. He knew he was. He knew he wasn’t making any sense, but at this point it didn’t matter. “I know you said not to off myself when you were gone. But… I think we both knew I would. Couldn’t let you hog this beautiful explosion all to yerself, could I?” Jamie sniffled. He lifted his head slightly and reached up to rip out his hearing aids. If Mako didn’t hear the bombs go off, he didn’t want to either. He felt around for the detonator, grabbed it, and held it to his chest. He curled into Mako’s side, shaking. He wasn’t afraid. He was ready to go. He was excited to see what the other side had to offer. Mako. The other side had Mako. Best not to keep the Hog waiting. Jamie’s thumb hovered over the button. He didn’t hear the words that left his lips “Fire in the hole.” –click–

\---

Even in death, Mako was a great bodyguard. That explosion should have been the end of it. Even if the blast itself hadn’t done it, he should have been crushed by the top floor falling on him. The debris crashed around them, and the flames burned Jamie’s flesh. He didn’t care as everything crumbled around him. Jamie continued to bury his face in Mako’s side. There was a piercing pain in his back that he welcomed like an old friend.

 _Guess things didn’t go as planned for either of us._ Jamie looked up at Roadhog The fire was spreading to him, catching his hair. He couldn’t help but grin, remembering how often his own hair ended up singed. He tried to pull himself closer to Mako, but the pain in his back held him still. Literally. He looked over his shoulder to see what caused it, expecting to see a large piece of wood sticking out of him.

It was Roadhog’s hook. He hadn’t paid attention to that in years. It had just been hanging on the bedroom wall like a decoration. The blast must have lodged it into his back somehow. Or maybe it got there when the ceiling fell. Jamie laughed. _You saved me from the blast, but it’s your weapon that’s doin’ me in._ He clutched Mako’s body tight. “Beautiful…” he muttered before passing out.

\---

There was no light, yet no darkness. There was no sound, yet no silence. There was nothing, yet everything all at once as Jamison stood there. He felt no pain, neither in his body nor his mind. He didn’t know where he was. He looked around trying to find something, anything.

The first thing he saw was hands. His own hands. Both of them. Both real, and clean, and undamaged. Both his legs were in tact as well. He held his hands by his ears and snapped his fingers. His ears worked too. He pat his ears to make sure he wasn’t wearing his hearing aids. He wasn’t.

He was whole. Almost.

He started walking. Where he didn’t know. As far as he could tell there wasn’t anything. Not even a ground he was walking on. He stopped when he heard a voice.

“You took longer than I thought.”

Jamie turned and saw him. Mako Rutledge. Looking younger than Jamie remembered him. He walked toward Jamie like he felt no pain at all. Jamie was running before he could stop himself. He threw his arms around Mako in an instant. Mako ran his hand down Jamie’s back as he sobbed out apologies. Mako stood silent and let him carry on. He stepped back, wiping his eyes and looking down at his feet. “I’m sorry.” He breathed.

Mako was silent and stoic as ever. He ruffled Jamie’s hair. “Good job.” He said. Jamie smiled brightly at him.

Jamie laughed. “Sorry to keep ya waiting, Roadie.” He turned and gestured to Mako. “Lets see what kind of mayhem we can start up here!”

Mako let out a sigh, but smirked as the two of them headed side by side into the abyss.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry.
> 
> Edit: My girlfriend suggested I go ahead and post it in the Junkrat/Roadhog tag and not just the Junkrat & Roadhog tag so more people would see it? I dunno...   
> Also, thank you everyone for all your comments, I apologize for all the tears you shed.  
> (However, PIGFUCKINGBROKEMYHEARTTHISMORNING!!!)  
> My Tumblr: redkardinal.tumblr.com


End file.
